Welcome to Entrepreneurs of Christ. This is a podcast for men who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (although all other men are accepted).
If you have the desire to start a business, but struggle with creating the time and having the resources, then this is the place for you.
In this podcast we are going to uncover the skills you need to make your dreams happen. And not just your business dreams, but the dreams you have to go on fun trips with your family, to have freedom with your time, and to better your relationship with your spouse.
This is your place to learn and connect with like-minded men.
What You Will Learn:
Episode 1: Are you a Duty-Bound Dad?
This is Entrepreneurs of Christ, a podcast dedicated to helping members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints escape the day job and pursue the dream within them to create their own business. And I’m your host. Tyson Bradley.
Hey there, in today’s we are going to discuss the primary problem that so many of you are facing. It’s the problem of being the duty-bound dad. A duty bound dad is a would-be entrepreneur who wants to start a business. Who dreams of starting a business. Who knows it’s their mission in life. But you aren’t taking action, because you feel paralyzed.
Why do we get stuck in duty-bound dad syndrome? There are three major factors that contribute to this problem, and today we’re going to talk about each one, but before we talk about the cause, let’s briefly touch on why you need the cure.
When you have the cure, you have a business that you love waking up to. A business that earns enough money to live very comfortably, and do fun things without ever questioning, “is this in the budget?” You have a business that allows you to escape the full-time job and use your time however you’d like. A business that creates the lifestyle you truly want to have.
The duty bound dad can’t have these things because your world currently has three pillars– -faith, family, and the full-time job. With the big three taking up so many hours of each day, it feels like there’s no room for the dream business. So this show is about making room for the dream business, and growing the dream business, until eventually, the full-time job becomes unnecessary. Your family is supported by your business, and you can kick the full-time job away because it’s no longer a necessary pillar that holds up your life.
So we are going to dig into this concept of being a duty-bound dad. And the first place to begin is the conflict that happens between spending time on the business vs. spending time on the family.
Did you see the commercial from the most recent General Conference (April 2021)? It was a church commercial that played after conference was over. It depicted an older man playing catch with a little girl. He was the neighbor to a young father who looked like a young professional, dressed in white shirt and tie. It showed three times where the young father drove up and said to his older neighbor, “How you doing Jack?” Jack would then respond while playing catch “Couldn’t be better.” On the third time of that same response, the young man told his wife, “Doesn’t Jack ever have anything important to do?” The young father then gets out of his car and sees his son. He says “Hey Max, how are you doing?” Max says “Couldn’t be better!” and the young father says “where are you going?” Max says “over next door to play.” The father says “I can play with you.” Max says “It’s okay dad, I know you are busy.”
Then the narrator says, “give your family everything. Give them your TIME.”
This kind of commercial is nothing new. This same message has been playing on conference commercials since I was a kid. And for the busy dad, it brings up that prick in your heart. Because you know the truth in the message. In your heart you do want to spend more time with your family. But it seems impossible with the demands of the full-time job along with the church calling.
In some regards, it actually is impossible with your full-time job because of what it demands from you. This is what happens when you work for someone else. They choose what projects to give you and because you want to be a good employee, you do it all and you even try to give more, all in the name of providing for your family. This is a worthy endeavor, but there are real limits to the full-time job life.
You can’t create the schedule you truly want when working for someone else. Trust me, I’ve tried. Even when I was working at a startup that allowed for me to work from home. And the owner said to work ONLY 40 hours a week with flexibility around when those hours were. There were still unwritten expectations that I needed to be available at certain times. As much as I could control when I worked, I couldn’t really be the employee they wanted in that job.
So you can use the message shared in the church commercial as a way to shame yourself and beat yourself up for not giving more time to your kids. Or you can recognize the reality of your situation. And the situation is this, staying in your full-time job will never produce the kind of time you desire with your family.
The truth is, Jack the neighbor, probably has a business, which is why he can play catch with the little girl every day. You want this same life. There is a reason you want a business.
Now you might be thinking, “Yes Tyson, you are right. I want to create a business where I can have more time for my family. But how is it possible to create the business without taking time AWAY from the family.”
And to this I want to share an experience with you. While working at The Life Coach School, I had the opportunity to sit in with a group of 10 life coaches who paid $25k to be trained on how to create a 100k business within 1 year. In this particular meeting, one woman was concerned about doing the work required to build the business because of how it would take away from her family. The millionaire mentor then asked the question, “If I told you that putting in 50 hours of work a week instead of 40 hours for 1 year would result in you having way more time for your family would you do it?” The coach said yes. Why? Because the tradeoff was worth it.
In my own experience, back when I was working full time and having a side business, I made tradeoffs as well, but I did it in a way that maintained great relationships with my kids and my wife. I would get off work around 5pm, immediately dive into playing with kids, have dinner, have scripture study, put the kids to bed by 7pm, and then work on the business from 7:30-9:00pm. I would then spend 1 hour with my wife from 9-10pm. I did this every weekday for over a year, and now I have the business that is creating even more time for me and allowing me to do all the projects and learning that I love.
Sometimes we all get caught up in what we think SHOULD be the way to live our lives that we don’t pay attention to how we ACTUALLY want to live our lives. I did a values exercise with a fellow coach friend that was super cool. She had me pick my values from a list and narrow them down to 10. Once I did that, she told me to let go of what I think SHOULD be the priority of these values and went through a series of questions to help me prioritize them.
Now before I tell you what happened, I want to let you know that I’ve thought about my values and priorities plenty of times before and my previous list went something like this:
After doing this exercise, and keeping in mind that I let go of what I think SHOULD be my priorities. My list ended up looking like this:
Self-development / Growth
Leadership / Contribution
This was a pretty big eye opener for me because it clarified what I actually want to do with my time. All I know is that when you are living your life under someone else’s guidelines, then you become disconnected with yourself. And when you become disconnected with yourself, you feel lost, you feel lack, you feel unfulfilled, and you will naturally turn towards distractions and unnatural pleasures like overeating, pornography, drugs, alcohol, etc. in order to make up for the disconnection you feel.
The point is. What you want matters. What you value matters. And if you are a duty-bound dad, then you neglect what you want and what YOU value in order to serve a duty that you don’t fully align with.
Now, I’m saying YOU a lot and I think that there is definitely more people out there communicating a similar message, but I don’t want you to confuse the focus on YOU with selfishness.
When you let go of being the duty-bound dad, you actually become less selfish. The selfish thing to do is to continue hating your life and coming home like a big grump or a ball of stress that doesn’t have any energy to play with the kids. The selfish thing to do is to keep your dreams to yourself and never let anyone benefit from the joy of being around the true YOU.
Do you know what people love about me? They love that I’m goofy. I sing and dance and yodel and make funny faces and funny voices. And currently I’m looking for ways to bring more of that out. Why? Because I love it. It’s how I shine. It’s what I love. And when I shine, other people are lit up. But hiding my light under a bushel gives no light to anyone in the house.
So if you want to let your light shine so that people can see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven, then go to entrpereneursofchrist.com and sign up for a free discovery call where I can help you uncover what’s stopping you from escaping the duty-bound dad experience and start becoming a man of honor.
Oh yea, and next week we’ll talk about the dilemma between your church calling and family and the business you want to build. Because we all know that your calling at church is taking time, so what do we do with it.
Until next time…peace.
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